


Late Night Struggles

by sugasimp1212



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, Nightmares, Rarepair, oikawaxyamaguchi, oiyama, tragicbackstory!yams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28303794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugasimp1212/pseuds/sugasimp1212
Summary: Yamaguchi is having trouble sleeping and when Tsukki isn't there and he goes to Oikawa for help (college au)(I may or may not have given poor Yams a tragic backstory (which isn't discussed in full length), I have a bad habit of doing that -_-Right now this is just a twoshot but if someone wants I would consider continuing it? (also it was inspired by balladofasadcafe's story on fanfiction.net :)
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 35





	1. Can't Sleep (Yams pov)

I tried not to think about it. I did a fairly decent job, if I do say so myself. The hallucinations were kept to a minimum, the voices distant and far away, and I got better at it over time. And then the anniversary approached.

It was the night before it all started. I did everything I could to distract myself, go on a jog, study for an upcoming test. At the moment I was working on an English paper, which actually wasn't due for almost a week. It was nearly midnight, and I'd been awake since before 5:00 that morning.

"You should go to bed." A quiet voice said, seeming to come from out of nowhere. I jumped in my seat, recognizing it as my longtime crush and roommate, Tsukki. I bit my lip and kept my eyes down on the computer in front of me. "I know." I muttered.

Tsukki stood there for a while, probably debating over whether or not to say something else, but eventually left and walked back to his bed. I sighed, getting up and putting away my things, deciding I should call it quits.

You can do it, Tadashi. You can do it, you can do it, you can do it, I chanted, changing into some nightclothes before crawling in bed. Besides, Tsukki will be there if you need anything... my mental train of thought trailed off.

It was true enough, I suppose. Tsukki was my best friend. He had been since junior high, a constant presence in my life. I'd liked him for so long, and I really thought we had a shot in high school. I was finally working up the courage to confess and ask him out in our third-year, and then the whole incident with my family happened so I didn't think about it for a while. He was really sweet in helping me though, being there for me. Then we got into the same college and became roommates, and I thought just maybe he might be gay...and I was right. He came out, and then immediately started dating Kuroo. That had been a slap in the face.

Kuroo was everything I wasn't. Cool, confident, witty, good at volleyball, handsome, tall. When I thought about it, it was easy to see why Tsukki had chosen him over someone as pathetic as me. Ever since he'd chosen Kuroo though, we'd grown farther and farther apart. I rarely saw him anymore, and it's like there was something broken between us and the bond we'd once had.

It was with these painful thoughts that I drifted off to sleep, preferable to the alternative really. Unfortunately, I couldn't avoid the dark memories while asleep. Nightmares plagued me, nearly every night. I seldom got a good night's sleep, which was most of the reason why I slept so little, staying up late and rising early.

Usually I'd wake up in a cold sweat, a sense of fear and horror lingering. This time, I woke up screaming. I stopped soon after I woke up; I came to it and felt awful for any panic I may have caused among the neighbors. I sat panting in the middle of my bed, half expecting Tsukki to walk in at any moment, to wrap his strong arms around me and pull me towards him, maybe even stay with me the rest of the night. None of that happened.

After waiting for what seemed like forever, I cautiously got up to see what Tsukki was doing, and if it was possible he'd slept through my outburst. While walking, I started seeing them, I heard them too. I picked up my pace. By the time I got to Tsukki's room, I saw that it was empty. I panicked and then checked my phone, which had been left in the charger. There was a message from Tsukki.

Yamaguchi, so sorry I had to go, Kuroo had an emergency, it read. I took a sharp breath. I looked up from my phone and saw them again, really coming for me now. It was at that moment where I really began to panic.

Oh god, oh god, I needed someone, I couldn't face this alone, it was so bad this time! I need help, I needed someone, who, who, who? These were my thoughts as I kind of collapsed on the floor and started hyperventilating, closing my eyes and shoving my hands over my ears.

Gone, gone, gone, they were all gone. Of course they were gone, why wouldn't they be? My family was gone, it was all my fault. I was such a loser, they wouldn't want me anyway if they were still around. Friends, friends, what friends? Tsukki was my only friend, and I was losing him. Who, who, who did I have? Who did I have, who did I have, there had to be someone, just one single person-

Oikawa! I bolted up, remembering that I did have a friend other than Tsukki. Only one, but another friend nonetheless. I got my phone out and went to call. I winced at the time, almost 2:00, but it was a Saturday, so that was something. And besides, Oikawa had said to go to him if I ever needed help, a friend, and surely this time when I needed him most of all would warrant that right?

I changed into some clothes while dialing. The phone rang, and rang. I concentrated hard on the ringing, and tried to block everything else out. He didn't answer, but I wasn't giving up that easily. Once ready, I went outside and locked the door behind me. I walked downstairs and onto the sidewalk, still dialing Oikawa.

It was cold outside, I thought absentmindedly as I marched quickly down the street. I didn't really care, it was nothing compared to other pain I'd felt. I kept trying Oikawa, hugging myself as best possible in the process. He finally picked up on the fifth call.

"Yamaguchi Tadashi!!!!!!!!!" He shouted at me from the other line. I winced. "It is 2 in the f*cking morning, I had a four hour practice yesterday, I had an unbelievable amount of homework, and I had to hang out with my parents and I am f*cking exhausted, so WHAT DO YOU NEED THAT COULDN'T WAIT UNTIL THE MORNING?!?!?!?!" Oikawa screeched.

I was still hyperventilating. I tried to stop, to talk. "O-Oik-gasp-Oikawa-gasp-Oikawa-san–" I stuttered out dumbly. "Yamaguchi?" Oikawa asked from the other line, clearly concerned now. "Is everything alright?"

"Nightmares–couldn't sleep-anniversary–you said–gasp–you said–"

"God Yamaguchi I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I-are you okay? Of course you can come over..." Oikawa trailed off uncertainly. He'd reassured me he didn't mind me coming to him for help in these situations. I'd described them to him vaguely before, but I don't think he ever understood the intensity of them until now. This was the first time I'd reached out to him, after all.

"I'm fine–be there–gasp–be there soon!" I hung up. I began walking even faster, eager to escape the ghosts of my past that insisted on haunting me with every step.

A bit later, I arrived at Oikawa's apartment building. He was a junior, so he didn't have to live in the university dorms and had his own apartment. The doorman recognized me by now, and let me in. I sprinted up the stairs to the fourth story, Oikawa's floor, and then ran down to the end of the hall where his apartment was. I quickly and quietly knocked on the door, praying Oikawa hadn't changed his mind.

It would appear the gods were on my side, as a few moments later the door opened, and there stood Oikawa. I hazily registered that he was only in a loose shirt and boxers, although I had other things to worry about. I looked up at him (he had a good five inches on me, darn him), and our eyes met. Oikawa had really nice eyes, big and brown and gorgeous, unlike mine. They widened after taking in my appearance. He looked up and down, exclaiming, "Yama-chan!" in a scared voice.

Oikawa reached for my hand and brought my inside, closing and locking the door behind him. "You're so pale...and you're freezing! What were you thinking, walking over here in just that shirt and those shorts?" Oikawa chastised me, leading me further inside, although I could tell he was more worried than mad.

"I'm really sorry to bother you on a Saturday night," I said shakily, uncertainly. "I know–"

"Nonsense, anything for my Yama-chan." Oikawa said. I blushed as he not only used a nickname for me that no one else did, but also called me his.

"What do you need from me? You can stay here tonight, of course, if you want you could take my bed–why don't I make you some tea or something–?" Oikawa began rambling, moving to his kitchenette.

"Oikawa-san, thank you so much. Are you sure if it's okay that I stay here tonight? And I could take the couch, you shouldn't move on account of me! And...honestly, I guess I just needed..." I sighed softly, not finishing my sentence.

Oikawa had stopped moving around in the kitchen and went to set up the couch for me. He cocked his head and prompted, "Needed...?"

"To...not be...alone." I finally stuttered out awkwardly. Oikawa stared at me. "What about Tsukishima? Isn't he usually the one you go to for...things like this? Not that I mind of course! I just–well, he's your roommate and all..."

"He wasn't there when I woke up." I said, raising my eyes from the floor to meet Oikawa's. I slowly tread across the floor and sat on the couch, near him. "I do usually go to him, but, well, you know how we've become more and more distant, and then when I woke up and went to go find him tonight, he–he just, he wasn't there, I got a text from him saying Kuroo had had some emergency, so, he had to go."

By the end of my explanation, Oikawa was gazing pitifully at me. He bit his lip and sighed, sitting down next to me. "I'm so sorry, Yama-chan, that must have been awful. But I'm here for you, you can come as many times as you want." He hugged me then. I tensed up. I wasn't good with physical contact, not since the incident. Tsukki was an exception, him and I had always been so close, but everyone else...

I didn't push Oikawa away though. I found myself...not panicking. In fact, I weakly reciprocated near the end as he began to pull away. He stood up and looked back down at me.

"It's pretty late, Yama-chan, we should go to bed. Let me know if you need anything though, you know I'm just down the hall!" He then gave one of his cute, closed eyes and bright smiles, and walked off to his bedroom. I sighed contentedly, realizing that the voices and such were, for the most part, gone. I felt safe in Oikawa's apartment, far from my problems. I tried to hide under the large blanket he'd given me, to burrow under the couch and into the pillow. I was so tired that within a matter of minutes I was out, not into a dreamless sleep however.


	2. Oikawa is a good friend (Oikawa pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays!!! thank you for reading <3 <3 <3

As I walked down the hall back to my room, I glanced over my shoulder at Yamaguchi, trying to disappear beneath the blanket. God, he looked terrible. Not terrible as in ugly, no no. Yamaguchi was very cute, but he looked, what was the word? Hm...haunted. Yes, haunted, that was it.

I slowly made my way back into bed and took off my shirt, only having donned it for the sake of Yamaguchi when he called and said he was coming over (he was very modest, and the last thing I wanted to do tonight was set him more on edge). Trying to resettle, I pondered my friend lying in my living room and my relationship with him.

Poor Yamaguchi. I didn't know all the details of what had happened to him, but I knew it was awful. How could I have forgotten that today was the anniversary of when it all started, and the first one, no less? Today, when Yamaguchi needed more support than any other time. He always put up with me and my antics, laughing shyly at my jokes, gazing thoughtfully while I ranted. He wasn't particularly outspoken, which worked rather well for me, but I knew he had a dark side I didn't ever really get to see, and I had just caught my first glimpse of it.

On top of all that, there was the question of what he meant to me. Both of us had fallen out of touch, so to speak, with our best friends, coincidentally because they were dating other people when we had crushes on them. He knew exactly how I felt, perhaps even more so after finding out Tsukishima was gay and hadn't chosen him. He had also been an amazing friend, not in the same sense of Iwaizumi though (who was straight, so at least I still had my pride). He was much more mild, that was for sure. Kinder, more openly caring, really sweet all around, empathetic.

Over the months since we'd started hanging out, my feelings for Iwa-chan had significantly subsided, and been replaced for the adorable, freckled, young freshman. I'd come to the realization that I liked him and wanted to be with him, but I wasn't sure how over his "Tsukki" he was, and then there was the whole mental state. He seemed fine to me, more sane than most of my friends. He was also very smart, taking pretty advanced classes (and I happened to know he did amazing in all of them). That's why when he had eventually mentioned what happened to his family the year before, I'd been shocked.

Yamaguchi was clearly and understandably very traumatized after what happened. I hadn't seen any signs of depression or PTSD or anything from him, although he had yet to open up to me about that kind of stuff so I couldn't be sure. Tonight seemed to be off to a good start though (in regards to our relationship), which made me smile a tiny bit.

I finally drifted off to sleep, deciding I didn't care how broken Yamaguchi was, I wanted to be with him, to be there for him whenever he needed me, to help him however I could, and build him back up.

I woke with a start about an hour later. I was extremely aggravated, furious even at first, but then I remembered what had transpired just a bit ago. And then I registered that I had been woken by screams and moans, which were coming from my living room.

I shot out of bed and ran to where Yamaguchi was. Sure enough, there he was, twisting and crying in his sleep. I was frozen in horror as I heard some of the things he said. "Stop! Please! Don't kill them! Take me instead, please! They're just kids, please don't do it!" and "Oh god oh oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry, it's all my fault, my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault my fault." There were also a few people's names he cried out, probably family members.

My god, what the hell had happened to Yamaguchi? I was brought out of my stupor when he started clawing at his neck, pleading for someone to let go. "Please," he rasped out, "I can't...I can't...breathe!" I went over to the couch and shook him awake.

"Yamaguchi!" I pried his hands from his neck and continued shaking him, but he didn't wake up. "Yamaguchi!" I tried again, putting more force into my movements, but he still would not wake up. Panicking, I shouted, "Tadashi!" and slapped him, to which he bolted up, his chest heaving, his eyes wide in terror and confusion, his body shaking like a leaf. I winced as I could make out the shape of my hand starting to form on his cheek.

"Yama-chan..." I trailed off cautiously, not sure what I should do. Tsukishima would've known, I thought bitterly. No, I had to be better, I had to beat him, but most importantly, I had to help Yamaguchi. Speaking of Yamaguchi, the person in question seemed to have calmed down a bit. He locked eyes with mine, looking more haunted than ever.

Before I could say anything else, he lunged at me, throwing his arms around my neck and burying his face in my chest. I was genuinely surprised, he wasn't really one for physical contact. Just earlier when I'd tried to hug him he went completely still and froze, but now, he was clinging to me like I was the only thing keeping him grounded.

Slowly, I reciprocated and put my arms around him, putting one of my hands on his head and bringing it closer to me, if possible. We sat there like that for a bit, him calming down and evening his breaths out while I patted his back and stroked his soft hair. After I felt like he had come back to Earth, I gently prodded, "Yama-chan? Are you okay?"

I felt a weak nod against my chest and smiled a bit, grateful Yamaguchi seemed to be doing better. "I'm sorry," he whispered, barely audible. I frowned at that, taking his shoulders in my hands and pushing him back so we could see each other eye to eye.

"No Yama-chan, I'm sorry. I knew that you struggled with things since...since the incident, since I met you, but I never–I didn't realize things were this bad for you. I'm sorry, I've been a terrible friend and haven't been there for you." When there was no response, I looked closer and saw that Yamaguchi was crying.

"Ah! I'm sorry, did I say something wrong? Are you not okay anymore? Did–"

"I'm fine, Oikawa-san. I just-" Yamaguchi paused and sniffled, wiping away some tears with his hands. He continued quietly, "you're being a really good friend, better than most, and I just...I really appreciate it. It's been a really long time since anyone cared this much..." Yamaguchi looked down awkwardly at that last part. I stared at him thoughtfully before speaking again.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked. "...yes, I think. But, not now. Maybe...maybe tomorrow?" I nodded understandingly and let my arms fall to my side.

"Yama-chan...I want to help however best I can. Is there anything...does Tsukishima usually do anything else to help you?" I asked nervously, but hopeful that there was some way I could make things just a bit better for my friend.

"Tsukki...usually–when I have nightmares, that is, he usually–um, he lets me–" Yamaguchi mumbled the last part, so I didn't hear what he said. "He does what?" I questioned, willing Yamaguchi to meet my eyes. Thankfully, he did, and then quietly said, "He lets me sleep with him." We started at each other for a few moments before Yamaguchi began saying, "I guess...I guess we should go back to sleep. I'll try not to wake you, Oikawa-san. And thank you again, for everything," but I stopped him.

"You can stay with me, if that'd help." I offered, trying my best to make it sound like I genuinely wanted to help him and wasn't just looking for an excuse to get him in my bed (which I was not!). Based on Yamaguchi's reaction, he looked mortified and was going to decline, so I quickly stood up and dragged him along with me.

"It's settled then, you'll stay with me tonight, it'll be fine Yama-chan." In a matter of moments, we'd reach my bedroom. I climbed into bed and scooted over to one side, pulling Yamaguchi down into the other. He sat there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do, so I moved to sit under the covers trying to get him to do the same.

After I'd settled, Yamaguchi mercifully followed suit. We laid next to each other, both on our backs, staring up at the ceiling. I rolled over and said, "Goodnight, Yama-chan. I hope you have better dreams, but I'll be here if you need me," and then rolled back over and went to sleep (or tried to, rather, I didn't fall asleep for a long time).

Yamaguchi did. He was out within a matter of minutes, I could tell because his breathing had evened out. Once I was sure he wouldn't wake up though, I rolled back over and studied him closely.

His face was peaceful now, probably more so than I'd ever seen it, even when we were just casually hanging out. His dark lashes contrasted sharply with his lightly tanned skin, and so did his freckles, which were just the cutest (even though he hated them, and I tried to convince him at every chance I got that they were beautiful). His hair was kind of a mess by now, especially after I'd been patting it earlier, but it looked fine on Yamaguchi, and I wanted nothing more than to pick up where I'd left off. Miraculously, I had the chance.

Yamaguchi stirred a bit in his sleep after a while. It wasn't a full blown nightmare like he'd had before, but his face was scrunched up in frustration, and he grunted softly a few times. He also started moving, rolling around, and then he picked up the pace and strength until he rolled right into me.

I caught him, so to speak. Unsure of how to proceed, I tried wrapping my arms around him like before and bringing his face to my chest, rubbing his back again. I thought it wasn't working, but after a bit he calmed down and leaned back into me, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Quite content with our current position, I kissed Yamaguchi's forehead as I thought of how he goes through this on a regular basis, and had probably just never told me. Well, no more of that. Tomorrow morning we would talk, he would come clean, and then I could help him, I could be there for him like a good friend (or boyfriend...we'll see).


End file.
